


Right now!

by Becherovka



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 23:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11195715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Becherovka/pseuds/Becherovka
Summary: Life wasn't always fair to Anna. But when her cousin Paul offers her a place to live, her luck seems to be changing. The only negative thing about living with Rammstein is the mysterious intimidating Till Lindemann.





	Right now!

 

_There are two types of silence. One is warm and deep, full of safety and calmness. It makes you peaceful and sleepy and reminds you of everything tender you have ever experienced. It is also very fragile and can be easily broken by nothing but a one word. Even though you would do anything to keep it, its balance is so fine it won’t last more than few hours. The other type is opposite in every way. It represents fear and can suffocate you in a matter of seconds._

_I was often hidden behind the bed and listened, whether my brother has fallen asleep or whether he simply passed out from alcohol. My alertness was almost painful, my senses overfilled with dense, unbreakable stillness that inflated in the room to the point I couldn’t stand it. Yet I was never able to get up and go check on him until the morning. I was waiting – waiting in the dark I used to fear so much as a child. But life will teach you to not to be afraid of the darkness in the room. It is the darkness in the people you should stay away from._

*****

I was twelve when my mother died. Me and my younger brother Karl were living with my father who was trying so much to keep us a functional and content (if not happy) family. Those were hard times as my dad had to work often till the night to make some decent money, so I practically raised Karl. But dad couldn’t stand the loss of his beloved wife and fell into deep depression. He kept accusing us of purposefully reminding him of her. In the end he left. He was there one day and the next day he was gone. I ended up working in a local food market at age of 18. However strained our livelihood was, my relationship with Karl bloomed. Every obstacle we overcame together made us stronger, fiercer and even more protective of each other.

Few years later my little brother outgrew me immensely. I was never very tall to begin with, but neither were our parents so until now I don’t really know who did he take after. He was so handsome and well-built and if we had any money, he could have any girl he wanted. But we were poor and frowned upon. When I was 24, my brother had to leave for the army for two years. During those years I felt so alone and I started actively looking for any living relatives. I was able to reach my distant cousin Paul who lived in Berlin and played in some (for me completely unfamiliar by then) music group. I wrote him a letter and sent him a photo of me and Karl. I didn’t have to wait longer than a week before he agreed to meet me and we liked each other instantly. He visited me whenever he could and I was happy for the first time since my brother left.

I anticipated my brother’s arrival for a long time and our reunion was amazing. Surprisingly, he and Paul never really got along. Maybe because Karl returned as a completely different person. He never talked to me about the time in army and I decided not to push him. He became moody and depressed and started to dull his heavy emotions with vodka. Shortly after his aggressive moods surfaced. Paul often advised me to let him be, to live by myself or with him but I simply couldn’t give up on my brother. Finally, Paul stopped contacting me, saying that he couldn’t see me letting Karl destroy my life.

Then the first hit came. I vividly remember that day. The next morning, when Karl sobered up a little, he got so angry when he saw the ugly bruise on my cheek. He demanded to know who did it so he could kill them. I couldn’t convince him that he was the cause of my pain and we had a terrible fight. He then started hitting me regularly and after some time he stopped pretending to be innocent. In the end, I realized that I simply must leave him in order to save myself. I didn’t have any close friends – anyone – and I just decided to call Paul.

*

I knew Paul was an amazing person, nice, funny and helpful but it still surprised me how ecstatic he sounded when I called him and practically begged him to help me. He offered me to stay with him and his band members in a flat in Berlin for few weeks before I manage to find something on my own. He even went so far as to feel offended when I told him I will find a job as soon as possible. I didn’t know anything about his financial situation and when I found out how rich, how famous he was I felt astonished. I lived with my brother in our personal bubble for so long that I had no idea what was going on in the world around us.

The decision to leave Karl in our old flat where we grew up, where we suffered and bonded together, was one of the toughest I had ever made. But after that I moved with almost robotic purpose. I calmly packed my belongings, threw away all alcohol bottles in the house and bought some durable food for about two weeks. It felt almost clinical to leave the building and sit in the train headed to Berlin. It wasn’t until later, when I got off the train in the giant railway station I even started to be nervous. Suddenly I was struck with uncertainty. What if Paul doesn’t come? What then?

Fortunately, I spotted him almost immediately. He had his usual smile on his face and waved at me enthusiastically. I was so genuinely happy that I finally got to see him after almost two years that I completely forgot all my insecurities and hugged tight. I apparently lost a sense of time but he simply stood and held me. And in that moment I knew that he meant it, that I was really granted one more try at living.

“I missed you so much,” I whispered softly into his chest. An emotional inferno was raging inside of me. All the years of despair outshined by the sheer magnificence of my hope.

“Hey, little one. I missed you too. Now let me introduce you to Richard,” Paul gently pulled away from me and gestured towards a large man with spiky black hair standing next to him. I found his stature a little alarming but he had a friendly smile on his face so I forced myself to be brave.

“Oh, I am so sorry. I didn’t realize you didn’t come alone, Paul. I am Anna. Nice to meet you. Are you one of the band members?” I shook his offered hand and watched curiously as they both suddenly seemed amused.

“I am Richard. I am the lead guitarist. Nice to meet you too,” he flashed me a bright smile.

“Don’t mind him, Anna. He is not used to be in presence of girls who do not swoon over him!” Paul teased and Richard’s smile turned a little sour. He lightly punched Paul into his shoulder.

“Let’s go, the car is waiting,” he suggested somewhat flatly and turned around towards the exit. I followed him with growing anxiety. He seemed a little aggressive and I was worried about possible conflict. I had enough of them for a lifetime.

We got in a black car right in front of the station, me and Paul sat in the back while Richard drove. Paul watched me for a little while and then probably sensed my concern, because he lightly chuckled and then said: “Don’t worry, he pretends that he is annoyed but he would be totally lost without my witty remarks about his personal life.”

I tensely looked at Richard’s profile and to my relief I saw him smirk.

“You bet I would be lost.”

*

We drew into an underground garage in a rather large house. I was not able to notice much, but from what I saw, it seemed more like a mansion than a normal house. I was amazed by the modern equipment such as automatic gate. There were other two cars inside, both looking expensive but not flashy. I left the vehicle in almost dream-like state. We all got off the car and Richard took my bag for me.

“So, who lives in here? How many of you?” I asked. I really knew nothing about the music they played but from the dark appearance of Richard I guessed it was either hard rock or metal. I just hoped that the rest of the men would not be some rough guys.

“I’m going to answer this question so you can’t feed her anymore bullshit about either of us,” Richard stopped Paul who was about to start talking with devilish smile. “So, there’s Flake. He’s tall and scrawny and really shy. Ollie is even taller and very private. Schneider tries to look mysterious and he is so nice that even you won’t like it. But you won’t get to meet them soon, cause they left yesterday for a week. They are skiing in Austria. Oh, and then there’s Till. He’s moody but you will like him, don’t worry. I would introduce you tonight but he’ll be probably out. So you get to meet him in the morning.”

I smiled softly at the apparent fondness that was clearly showing on Richard’s face when he talked about his friends. Maybe I wouldn’t be so lost in here.

“So do you want to unpack now and eat later or dinner first? You must be starved, right? We have already prepared you a room! I hope you will like it.” Paul walked through the door while talking on and on and I somewhat successfully tried to keep up with his purposeful strides.

“I guess I will rather unpack first, if it’s no problem,” I answered and almost bumped into him as he suddenly stopped.

“And this is your room. Ok, so we will leave you some time alone to unpack and get comfortable. You have your own bathroom here. After you are finished, you can come to the kitchen, which is over there. If we are not there, just shout really loudly and we will come running. And after the dinner I will give you tour through the house. Use anything in your room, everything in there is just for you,” Paul smiled and continued down the hall. Richard winked at me, gave me my bag and followed after him.

For a while I just stood there and smiled. I was so pleased by their friendly behaviour. Then I remembered myself and started pulling things out. The room was huge, as was the bathroom and a built-in closet. It was all like a fairy tale. I refreshed myself a bit at the basin and changed into comfortable black leggings and simple dark blue dress. I hesitantly peeked into the corridor and saw no one, so I ventured to the kitchen. I heard no voices in there so I entered… to come face to face (or rather face to chest) with absolutely giant man. To say I was startled would be an understatement but I quickly remembered my manners.

“Hi, I am Anna, nice to meet you,” I said a little breathlessly. However, he simply stared down at me and said nothing at all. I studied him with wide eyes as I registered his hostile expression. He was very tall and muscular and so incredibly intimidating I felt the need to apologize and get out of his way. But I found out I was frozen to the spot. He stared and… stared. And then I saw a muscle twitch in his face as he finally broke the silence.

“Richard! I told you not to bring the whores in here!” His voice made me jump. He didn’t shout, I would even go as far as to say that he spoke calmly, yet I didn’t even doubt that Richard could hear him from anywhere in the giant house. I quickly scrambled to the side when he moved closer to me and my instincts just took over. I ran around him and put a counter between us.

“Till! She’s my cousin you dickhead! I told you to be nice to her!” Paul walked into the kitchen sporting a very angry face. He looked so small next to the large man but it didn’t seem to matter to him.

“You should have told me she was coming today,” Till answered in a very deep voice. I involuntarily shivered. As I was slowly calming down I realized how crazy I must have looked like and I started to feel embarrassed.

“I told you just yesterday! If you could listen for once instead of ignoring everything I say, you would have known!” Paul’s voice was getting louder with every word. I pressed myself against the wall and wished I could just disappear. I was here only for two hours and they had already argued about me.

“Maybe if everything you say wasn’t full of shit, I would have listened to you sometimes,” Till was still frighteningly composed. His quiet voice had a threatening undertone.

“Oh really? As if anything YOU say was somehow better!” Paul made three steps forward. They were now only inches apart and stared intensely at each other. The tension was growing. I suddenly couldn’t properly breathe.

They stayed in that position for few more seconds. I was dreading the moment when either of them would move. I just _knew_ that there would be punches. Just as I was playing every horrible scenario in my head, I involuntarily whimpered. Both of their faces turned to me and they realized what they’ve been doing. Till momentarily seemed almost regretful but then his face was clear of any emotion again and he turned around and left the kitchen, shoving aside Richard, who leaned into the doorframe.

“You guys have put on quite a show, though I am not sure that the audience appreciated it,” he noted drily. He came to me and guided me to a chair. “What do you want to eat, Anna? I’ve ordered pasta and beef steak so you can choose.”

“I guess I’ll take the pasta, please,” I whispered. Richard immediately pulled out a plate and started loading it with food.

“Oh god, I am so sorry Anna. You shouldn’t have to see this. Oh god.” Paul sounded so contrite that I almost pitied him.

“It’s fine, just…” I started, but Richard interrupted me.

“It’s not fine, but Till needed to hear it anyway. You could’ve just waited a little longer for your pretty confrontation. He was really acting like a dickhead.” Richard forcefully stabbed fork into a steak and transferred it to another plate.

*

After the dinner, Richard sent Paul to his room to “cool off” and Paul surprisingly obeyed, wishing me good night and apologizing for the twentieth time.

I was going to leave too, but Richard’s hand on mine stopped me. I looked at him questioningly and pulled my hand away.

“Don’t worry, I don’t mean anything by that. I wouldn’t risk my friendship with Paul over a girl. But I want you to know that he really cares about you. He feels incredibly guilty that he left you to take care of yourself. He told us almost nothing, I know only that your brother isn’t exactly perfect and that some alcohol may be involved. But I can see it, how much he cares. And if you are ever going to mention this conversation to anyone, I will deny that it ever happened. Now, go to sleep and don’t worry too much, you will be fine.”

His kind words surprised me and I warmed towards him even more. “Thank you. For everything. Really. And of course, I didn’t hear anything,” I smiled at him. “I know I will be fine. I just need to sleep for a while.” I yawned as I stood up. “Good night, then.”

“Good night, Anna. And forgive Till, please. Normally, he’s very calm. He just doesn’t like his personal space to be invaded.”

“I will keep that in mind,” I replied, yawned again and headed straight to my new room.

I will keep that in mind.

As soon as my head touched the pillow, I fell asleep.


End file.
